The peak and foundation of human experience

I saw an episode of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” the other night and it was more intense than normal. The story featured a family that had lost a father and son to a drowning accident. The father had taken three of his children out to a pond for a day of swimming. With him was his eldest son, 17, youngest daughter, 6, and youngest son, 7. At some point the father decided to swim out to a grouping of rocks in the middle of the pond. He hoisted his daughter up on his shoulders and began the swim, unknowing of what was about to occur.

According to the daughter, about halfway to the rocks, her father tensed up and began to sink. Scared and hysteric she began screaming for help. Upon hearing his sister the eldest son, without hesitation, jumped into the water and swam out to where she was. The boy swam down to save his father and never returned. The pond was too deep, and his father too heavy, for him to make it back to the surface to save even his own life.

When this story was told I was hit by an intense emotion. It was not sadness. But an extreme feeling of love mixed with despair. I felt extreme compassion for the family. How hard it must be to deal with the loss of both a father and brother. Yet, what was resonating the most in my body and mind was love and caring. I felt the devotion, born of love, the son felt for his father. The extreme love that occurs when two individuals have eliminated their egos, their selfish needs, and the only thing remaining is intense, intense, love.

The type of love that is the peak of the human condition. Not a petty feeling or a meaningless gesture. But the type of action that transcends cultural definitions and experiences. It is a connection, in the truest sense, between people. When this love manifests in our daily lives, usually through extreme circumstances, we know the doer of the action as a “hero.” The recognition of this type of love is universal. All peoples have the ability to recognize and appreciate an act of selflessness; this type of love is the foundation of human nature.
The problem is, in contemporary society, we reserve our love for those who we deem worthy. Our parents, friends, and relatives often receive this type of love because it is expected. Our culture puts a double-bind on us saying that we MUST love these people yet it will only be excepted if it is done so willingly. Though this is the sad case some of the time, it still does not negate the fact that the double-bind helps us to activate that feeling and sense of extreme love for those that are close.

What I am suggesting is that we eliminate the enforced conditions of love, put on us by society, and start to do it consciously.

We must not choose who we deem worthy of our love. We must not hold people to specific criterion to receive our love. Because all people are operating from their own biased viewpoint (ego) no one will ever fully meet our criteria. These criterion come from a myriad of sources, namely religion and society. But these organizations do us a disservice as human beings. They give us too many requirements for people to meet in order to receive our love. Religion is quick to restrict love to only those in the same faith, let alone the same denomination and church. Society says that we should love only those who are on “our” side; those who share our goals. But how often do our goals shift and how often do our friends become enemies and vice-versa.

Definitions of love, whether handed down from politicians or clergy, do not reflect reality. In both cases they are used to advance the agenda of the leading party. What a travesty to destroy the purest and most intense human experience!

Love is a felt experience between two, or more, individuals. As such it cannot and should not be defined. It is always unique to the situation and the moment yet it is universal enough to be experienced at all times and with all people. In fact, this is the way to make real change in the world. To extend love to all peoples, especially those who you deem unworthy, and to begin cherishing their worthy character traits. If we look hard enough there is always something beautiful in another person. Once we can experience and appreciate the uniqueness of another, we become more and more, one individual, falling deeper and deeper into love.

Indeed, if you want to experience more joy, and less sorrow in your life, extend your feelings of love to more people. Buddhists talk of “sympathetic joy,” the feeling of joy when another is feeling joy. If you feel a degree of love for someone then you should literally be able to feeling their joy when they feel it. To be happy with your friend if they get a promotion or excited when your mother finally starts taking salsa dancing lessons. The best news is, as the Dalai Lama puts it, if you attempt to take joy in other people’s joy, you increase your chance at happiness six billion to one.

Coming back to the story of the son’s sacrifice for his father, it reminds us of the depth and intensity that love can take. It reminds us that love is the most beautiful thing in all of the universe and is at the base of all experience. Whether it is Jesus giving his life for God the father or this son giving his entire being to save his drowning father, both of their sacrifices remind us what it (life) is all about; Love.